GGAD通信集 第37章 Seeker's Fear[番外]

Two miles out of the village in midsummer, Godric's Hollow is hot and green and golden in late evening, with gnats buzzing harmless in the shadows and the setting sun pouring strange colors through the leaves. The boys walk almost in lockstep, almost hand in hand, robes tugged open round their throats— and there's a bruise in the hollow of Albus' neck, hidden by long hair glowing lurid in the late light.

仲夏时节，在离麻瓜村落两英里处，戈德里克山谷的暑意尚未退去，在日暮时分，绿芜葱茏，金光粲然，散成绚烂一片，阴影处有几个小虫在哼些无害的调子，斜晖在叶片上倾下不同等级的奇光异色。男孩们漫步着，近乎步调一致，近乎手拉着手，长袍领口被拉开一点，为了透气——阿不思脖颈的凹陷处有一点青瘀，隐藏在被昏光衬得焰火似的红色长发下。

" Are you," he asks quietly," afraid of Death?"

“你，”他轻轻问道，“是否恐惧死亡？”

" Not particularly," says Gellert, flippant. He's squinting into the setting sun, all golden." I don't see the point."

“算不上特别恐惧，”盖勒特答道，一脸轻狂相。他正乜斜着眼儿，看着斜晖在山谷间落满金黄。“我不晓得你的意思。”

" It was something in one of the old poems I was reading this morning— that those who seek the Hallows do so out of a fear of Death and should be pitied."

“今天早上我读到的一首古老的诗里有几句——是说有人追寻圣器是为了摆脱对死亡的恐惧，可怜可叹。”

" Ahh, I see where your point lies. But… no, not particularly. Not more than is natural for a living thing. A wall looms to cut off my existence, surely, the sun always sets. Yes, the thought of ending with my work undone is aggravating— but do I fear what is part of the very fabric of reality? Pointless struggling, that.”

“啊，我晓得你想表达甚么了。但……不，算不上特别恐惧。对于生命来说，这再正常不过。高墙在混沌中隐隐逼近，为了切断我的存在，但可以肯定，连这日头也总是要落下的。诚然，想到事业未成先死是令人恼怒的——但我会恐惧现实最真切的组成部分吗？那些逃离死亡的种种尝试，不过是毫无意义的挣扎罢了。”

" There are those who say it is more like a ragged veil, tantalizingly thin, drawn across." Albus' voice is calm and a little cold; there has, after all, been more death in his past than in Gellert's.

“他们说它更像是一层破烂的面纱，薄得让人忍不住要掀开，笼罩在万物之上。”阿不思的声音很平静，甚至有些冷酷；毕竟，在他的过去里，死亡的阴影比盖勒特要浓些。

" A fine metaphor, but such rarely alter my sentiments." Gellert flashes a very sharp grin." The inherent logic would seem to be that those who wish to master Death do so because they are afraid of it and what it can do to themselves or their own, yes? And that those who do not overly fear it would leave well enough alone?"

“一个绝妙的隐喻，但几乎不能改变我的观点。”盖勒特狡黠地咧嘴笑了。“其内在的逻辑似乎是，那些希望掌控死亡的人会去掀开这层面纱，出于他们对死亡，和对死亡给他们与他们所拥有的一切造成的影响的恐惧，对吧？而那些不甚恐惧它的人则会顺其自然？”

" That would seem to be the case, yes."

“嗯，似乎是这样的情况吧。”

" Hmm."

“哼。”

They walk on. Gellert kicks stones with his pointed German shoes; Albus is chewing on a blade of grass. The sun is blood-red between the hills.

他们继续前行。盖勒特用他的德式尖头鞋踢着小石子；阿不思正咀嚼着一片草叶。群丘之间残阳浸血。

" But," Gellert says after a long while, and touches his friend's elbow, halting his step and drawing him close." But, Albus—" and he grabs a thick handful of Albus' hair, no warning, and tugs, sending him stumbling to his knees in the dirt. Gellert smiles, murmurs," I don't need to be afraid of something in order to master it."

“但，”盖勒特在一阵相当长的沉默后开口道，拉住了他朋友的手时，阻止了其前进，并将其拉近自己。 “但，阿不思——”毫无预警地，他抓住了阿不思的一大把头发，用力一拉，让阿不思绊倒了，双膝跪地。盖勒特笑了，低声说，“我犯不着为掌控一件事而害怕它。”

There's naked, tender shock on Albus' face, breaking through his usual reserve, and the grass slips unheeded from his lips. Gellert strokes his cheek, gently, even as he holds his head tight by the hair, and slowly slips off his glasses and watches his eyes unfocus— half-blinded without them, and with the narrow muscles of his throat bare and straining.

一种未经修饰的，胆怯的震惊显在阿不的脸上，打破了他一贯的沉稳内敛，草叶在不经意间从他的唇上滑落。盖勒特一面轻抚着他的面颊，一面紧抓着他的头发，定住他的头，慢慢摘下他的眼镜，观察他饧着的眼儿——没了眼镜，这双眼算得上半盲，他喉处细小的肌肉裸露在外，紧绷着。

" I'm not particularly afraid of you, either," he wispers, standing closer, until Albus is plastered up against his legs, face to his groin." But what about you, fellow-seeker? Do you fear Death?"

“我也，不是特别恐惧你，”他极轻地耳语道，站得更近了，直到阿不思紧贴着他的腿，面朝着他的腹股沟。“但你呢，寻者的同伴？你是否恐惧死亡呢？”

" As the moth fears the flame," Albus breathes.

“恰似飞蛾对火的恐惧。”阿不思轻答。

译者注：

1：Hmm，语气词，带不赞同感，故译作“哼”

2：half-blinded：半盲的？如果不是我看不出过分夸张那AD的视力应该非常差吧……是letterblade自己的设定吗？如果是罗琳提到的我忽略了神动里也没见他戴眼镜啊（或者也许可从算个bug？）

这篇番外挺有意思，但下一篇番外不知道能不能过审。 看运气吧模糊化处理和改动估计少不了我就不另发评论了。有些内容可能让人不适（至少我译的时候有些恶心）慎入

当时打算翻译番外主要是因为这一篇吧，关于生死的话题向来是十分有趣的。

阿不思一开始提到“有人追寻圣器是为了摆脱对死亡的恐惧”并且“可怜可叹”，说的是摆脱恐惧，而不是摆脱死亡，值得注意。在国王十字车站AD说“真正的征服者绝不会试图逃离死神。他会欣然接受必死的命运。”其实也是摆脱恐惧。

那么集齐三样圣器真的就是掌控死神吗？这可能就是“可怜可叹”的原因。说哈利能成为死神主人并不像是因为拥有三样圣器，而像是他在寻找圣器的过程中自我升华并战胜了死神。得到圣器只是一个证明，哈利最后放弃老魔杖，丢掉复活石则似乎证明了证明毫无意义。那么掌控死亡似乎与圣器毫无瓜葛了。哈利不可能是死神的唯一主人，老魔杖终结，复活石消失，圣器终究会随着时间的流逝而逐渐彻底成为神话，但不论在圣器之前还是圣器之后，都会有能掌控死神的人

死亡全器似乎是一个层层升华的过程，老魔杖是以力量麻蔽恐惧，复活石是试图战胜死神，隐形衣则似乎是某种和解。

盖勒特的态度则非常潇洒。他把死亡视为现实的组成部分（不知道很多年后，AD写下“你与死亡的关系惊人的康健”时，有没有想到这一段话）但并没有完全摆脱这种恐惧。对事业的执念似乎并不是恐惧的来源（他自己表明这只会让他恼怒）那么他的恐惧源自何处就不得而知了。但一百年后面对伏地魔时，可以肯定他的这点恐惧也消失了，这算不算掌控死神呢？我觉得GGAD最后也达到了征服死神的目的。（或曰AD就是死神，格为邓影，似乎也可以算死神的化身了。）

阿不思的态度似乎更深一层。生命自诞生之初就含着死亡的阴翳。把死亡比作破烂的面纱的确比高墙更妥些。毕竟生死的界限从来不是很分明。死亡属于未知的未知，人类出于好奇本能会掀开面纱一探究竟也在情理之中。但我们了解过生命吗？生和死又真的有区别吗？对死亡的种种猜想也许都不正确，也许都正确——这其实也没什么区别。生命会多姿多彩，死亡也可能多种多样。也许死者也在好奇着，恐惧着生命呢。万物周而复始。

盖勒特接下来的话似乎证明我的解读完全偏题了。他说想掀开死亡面纱（原文是do so，应该是这个意思吧）是出于对死亡带给自己或周边人事的恐惧。这与其说是恐惧不如说是对生命的执恋（我又想鄙视汤姆·里德尔了），而顺其自然者也未必超脱，所以他随后才会表示不赞同吧。

他们沉默了一会儿，随后盖勒特性格里的那种东西流露，“我犯不着为掌控一件事而害怕它。”阿不思显出了震惊，说明他的确对盖勒特的阴暗面有所觉察，但他还是任盖勒特摆布（谁知道译那一段的时候我多难受）

到了**与尾声，盖勒特对阿不思说自己并不是特别恐惧，注意用的是“不是特别”，潜意识是他是否把阿不思视为潜在威胁呢？我想是的。（可怜的阿不思）

最后一句阿不思的话不太好解。飞蛾惧火，又自愿扑火，这句话是阿不思对死亡的态度，似乎也是他对盖勒特的态度，知道危险，知道恐惧，但还是忍不住靠近，甚至爱上这种恐惧感，爱上那种痛苦和悲惨。

停，我解读得过了，抱歉

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第37章 Seeker's Fear